how do i do it

i go to the video store tonight to rent a movie. since it's a new release, the shelf where they should be is empty. drat. i go to the front to see if it's available. after looking in the 'to be restocked queue' i walk up to a clerk and oh so casually and completely innocently ask "what are the chances of me getting knocked up tonight?" as soon as it comes out of my mouth i was horrified. not skipping a beat, the cute video guys says 'well, my shift ends at 10:00.' i turn beat red and make a hasty exit.

in other news, my dad is in washington state visiting his relatives. he came across some cool old family photos at his cousin's house and scanned a few. the man in the middle is my great grandfather's father. he fought in the civil war. why do they always look so freakin' sad and depressed? is it the clothes perhaps? i'm so glad someone invented the word 'cheese' so that folks would smile in pictures.

maniacal waver

on my way home from work tonight i was driving behind a guy in a big pickup truck. he kept waving frantically at me and i thought 'who the heck is this guy?'. ..... then i realized the crazed waving arm belonged to that of a large dog's bushy tail.
geez.. and here i thought i was being hit on.

geriatric giraffes

just read in our local news about the world's oldest giraffe, Hildy, dying this morning. she was born and raised at the Dallas zoo. i remember seeing her and feeling the same now as i did then: sad. sad that she never knew what it was like to live in the wild. granted animals in captivity live longer than they would in the wild as they are protected and have health care, but does it make it right? and how would you miss what you never knew? not to mention the smell.. you ever take a big whiff by the elephant and giraffe enclosures?
here's a cool thing to do next time you go to the zoo. at the orangutan cages, open your purse and hold it out for them. they will come down and try to see in your purse. it works everytime- tried and true. their curiosity gets the better of them and they can't help but look. they'll sit and stare in to your purse for as long as you let them. i bet they just want a breath mint or a kleenex perhaps. they just need to adopt a grandma.